Monday, January 05, 2009

For the Love of the Game


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Despite it being the fresh start to a New Year, I know myself well enough to not make any New Year's resolutions.
I've been mildly struggling with a few personal issues, and wanted to record them here just so that I can organize my thoughts better.

First off, I thought this blog would die a peaceful oblivious death if I abandoned it, and forgot about it. But it refuses to die. There is a small, but steady stream of traffic to this blog. Alas, even in this corner of the Internet, I cannot run from accountability, and can't even hide behind namelessness anymore.

This blog also serves as a blunt reminder of the broken promises that I have made. I wrote before about how I wanted to develop my own ATS. Well, nothing in life is given to me for free, and when it came down to it, I didn't want it bad enough to put in the hard work and effort that was required to create a reasonably successful ATS. The interest and challenge of working on a system that would automatically make trades for me, appealing and intriguing as it sounded at the time, was not appealing enough to overcome the lack of affinity for yet another programming job. And that is the irony of this whole "thing" that I am currently facing: My primary vocation has been software programming, a vocation in which I am more than competent, but a vocation which is also gradually losing its appeal and lustre to me. The vocation in which I want to be good at is Trading for a Living. However, to become fully competent in this vocation, I am finding that it inevitably requires me to perform more software programming.
In other words, in order for me to pursue what I would love to do, I must also come to grips with doing what I find increasingly unappealing and uninteresting. Such is the journey in life, eh ?

Anyways, I have finally sold my house, and will be moving into a rental suite while I wait for Armageddon to fully infiltrate the housing market in my neck of the woods. Soon I will have my funds back available for trading again. A recent reply by TraderKenny prompted me to peruse past entries of this dusty old trading journal of mine, and i must saying, it was thrilling, enchanting, and exciting to relive those distant memories (even though it's been a mere 15 months ago). what can i say? Trading is still in my blood, I still thirst for it, I still love it, and I want to get back into the game. The rules have changed slightly this time around, with 2 kids and a wife to feed, but those are merely slight roadbumps that can be planned and worked around if the desire to get back in the game is great enough.

More to come......


Tyro said...

Hey, nice to see you aren't dead to the world and congrats on the house sale! Bet that's a load off your mind.

So are you dropping the ATS idea and going to put the money from your house into the market?

Phileo said...

Thanks, and Heck yeah! It's a relief to have unloaded my house. The "experts" are forecasting a drop of only 3% in housing prices for all of 2009 in my area - whose stinky butt are they pulling these WAG's from ?
Anyways, I do plan to take another crack at working on the ATS, just got to finish my move and get settled in first. I also got a Wii for Christmas, so that will probably be competing for my attention in the short term.....